


America's 35 Sure-Fire Ways to Annoy England

by Myathewolfeh



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 04:49:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myathewolfeh/pseuds/Myathewolfeh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>England has been acting like a tightass lately, so America decided to sit down and write up some pranks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	America's 35 Sure-Fire Ways to Annoy England

**Randomly made this up one day. Decided to post it using Thanksgiving as an excuse. Try to relate this to the holiday as much as you want, but I doubt you'll get very far. I guess we could pray that England won't kill America after this, but that is highly unlikely. XD**

Warning: Contains innuendo, sexual objects, stereotypical humor, America's annoying personality, and England's short-tempered self.

Disclaimer: Hidekaz Himaruya, I bow to you~!

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Myathewolfeh comically presents:

**America's 35 Sure-Fire Ways to Annoy England**

(It isn't all that hard, actually)

1\. Poke him incessantly while loudly singing the "Star-Spangled Banner".

2\. Paint stars all over his flag.

3\. When he's showering, stand outside the door and say over the water, "Oh, yeah, France, I'll let you in…"

4\. Sit outside the bathroom door whenever he's bathing and sing "Rule, Britannia!" at the top of your lungs in the most horrible, screeching-voice you can manage.

5\. Say that Russia is coming, shove him into a closet, and lock the door. Come back in an hour and ask, "Do you finally wanna come out of the closet now?"

6\. Crawl into bed next to him in the morning and hug him suddenly from behind. Say " _Bon matin, amour_. You are looking very sexy this morning." in a French accent.

7\. Steal his underwear and dump a vanilla milkshake in the crotch. Go to the meeting, toss it onto the table in front of him and say, "Hey, England! You left these at my house after we watched porn last night!" loud enough for everyone to hear.

8\. Follow him around and every time he tries to talk, scream, "Cheeseburger!" in an overdone posh accent.

9\. Paste naked pictures of France all over the walls of England's room (on the ceiling, too, if you have time) and invite the other nations to see. If England's at home, call him in and pat him on the back while telling him what a great job he did with his room.

10\. When he's reading, run up behind him and jab him in the head, then run and hide, shouting, "I'm an Indian!". You might want to do this several times or until he smacks you upside the head with his book.

11\. Replace all the clothes in his closet with frilly, French maid's dresses and refuse to give his regular clothes back until he puts one on and says, "Me love you long time."

12\. Pack his refridgerator with croissants and ice cream.

13\. Whenever England tells you to go away, cross your arms and say, "Hex me, Snape!"

14\. Repeat everything he says with a French accent and end every sentence with "Black sheep".

15\. When England talks about or to his 'magical friends', cough "Cocaine!"

16\. If England asks you for something, give him two choices such as "Bagel or biscuit?" and then say, "Oh wait, I forgot, you might get depressed."

17\. Walk into a meeting and say loudly, "England, Big Ben was great last night!"

18\. When among the other nations, grab England's hand, place it on your stomach, and gasp, "England! The baby kicked!"

19\. Every time he tries to get to the bathroom, brandish a baguette and say, "Ye hafta walk the plank ta get ta the poop deck, matey!"

20\. Dress up as George Washington and go to England's house. Ring the doorbell, then wait for England to open the door before blasting "This is Why I'm Hot" and doing the Dougie.

21\. When England tries to confront you (if he even does so now), shout "The British are coming!" and dash off, screaming like a lunatic.

22\. Take a frilly pair of panties (or a thong if you're really daring or have determined that England wouldn't kill you by now) and hand them very conspicuously to England at a meeting, saying, "I had a great time last night." and winking.

23\. While sitting next to England in a meeting, look down and gasp, "Wow, Iggy! That's quite the boner!"

24\. Follow England around and sing, "Mr. Lonely" (replacing the 'I's' with 'He's') and give random people his phone number, telling them that he provides 'special services' to all those who call.

25\. When England's asleep (if he even trusts you in the least by now), take a sharpie and write "America's Bitch" across his forehead. Don't let him near a mirror until he gets to the meeting.

26\. When England's sleeping (again), climb into his attic and dance above his room, singing, "Step In Time" loudly.

27\. Steal his papers and doodle (in ink) lewd pictures all over them, then stuff them back into his briefcase. Follow him to work and watch as he hands the papers over to his boss.

28\. After every one of England's statements, shout, "Poppycock and rampant cocks alike!"

29\. When England tries to use the bathroom (if he doesn't already expect what you might do), dart in front of the door with a large staff and a wizard's hat saying, "You shall not pass!"

30\. Burst into the meeting room during England's lecture carrying a jar and shouting, "I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt and guess what's inside it? … Iggy's pornos!"

31\. In the middle of a meeting, jump up onto the table and blast "I'm Sexy And I Know It" while dancing the Wiggle in front of England.

32\. When England gets up to lecture during the meeting, make farting noises every time he tries to speak.

33\. Sit down next to him with the other nations around and say, "Hey, England. How did those nude pics of Sealand turn out?"

34\. Bring a sausage to a meeting and lift it up, saying, "Wow, Igs, this looks as big as the dildos you have at home!"

35\. Get England drunk and stuff him in a closet with France, locking them in. Make sure the closet has a camera. Let them out an hour later and the next morning, switch the CD out of Arthur's laptop with your own so that when he sets up his 'project' for the meeting, the video will play instead (it is very important that everyone is present to see this… and be witnesses to your possible murder, because if England hasn't killed you already, now it's inevitable).

 

  
**Happy Harassing!**

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A Word From the Writer: Haha, yup, my head is full of fluff like this. This is just the humorous part of it, though. The other smutty part (which makes up about 85% of the fluff) is evident in all my other fanfics… and in here. Waah! It's everywhere! :D

How much you wanna bet that America is not waking up tomorrow? Come on, show of hands…


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